Day 15: “Doubt can only be removed by action”
aka: When in doubt, move your ass
In the opening episode of season 3, Dr. Sharon Fieldstone’s voiceover delivers the quote, “Doubt can only be removed by action,” as Ted Lasso, the titular character, confronts the growing tension and overwhelming emotions caused by his family’s shifting dynamics. I know this, because my mom and I are currently undergoing a rewatch of this marvelous television creation. Apple TV+ premiered Ted Lasso in August 2020, a perfect time to maximize the reception of a program showcasing both optimism and emotional vulnerability not seen since.
On this rewatch, that quote really hit home.
As touched on in my last essay regarding variable energy, lately it has been more challenging than usual to keep my thoughts coherent, and the doubts at bay. So I took inspiration from Dr. Fieldstone and decided to take more action.
Literal action.
Growing up, I pretty much only knew one speed: running. I ran everywhere. It was very efficient! I ran because I had a lot of excitement, enthusiasm and energy. I was a very action-oriented kid. My favorite shows were the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers. This led to my enrollment in Karate at the tender age of 8, and culminated in earning my 2nd degree black belt when I was 23.
And then… I got a desk job.
I gained a lot of weight.
I became sedentary even when I wasn’t sitting at my desk job.
Over the decades, I have had sporadic bursts of activity - like taking my niece to the trampoline park (I miss those days!), or playing pickup sand volleyball somewhere around town. I’ve joined gyms and quit gyms. I’ve made an effort to ride my bike, go on walks. But all this had to be crammed into my schedule somewhere before or after the Desk Job - you know how it is.
Recently freed from the requirement of sitting at my desk, I still found myself sitting at my desk quite a lot in the first week after my liberation. Habits are hard to break. Along with all the sitting came a feeling of restlessness. Sitting still seemed to allow the doubts to slither their way in and raise their insidious queries.
Are you doing the right thing?
Could you be doing something else?
What about all the other things…?
Are you being productive enough?
Yikes. No thank you.
Because I have spent the last half a decade working on self awareness and mindfulness of my thoughts, I at least could recognize this for what it was: old patterns in conflict with an alternative lifestyle. I’m in transition, and transitions are tough. Completely worthwhile, but tough.
So in the spirit of Ted Lasso, and a Toastmasters buddy of mine who introduced our club to the concept of, “Move your ass into clarity”, I decided to move my ass.
Last week, I rejoined the volleyball crew for Tuesday league night and met up with my newly formed team for our first game. When was the last time I’d played? I honestly didn’t know. But it felt great to be out there, and I was pleased that my muscle memory was still sharp. We won, and that felt good too.
On Wednesday, I played pickleball during the twilight hours in my home town of Gulfport with a friend who I met through the Community Happiness Project. We did not win, even once, but as Ted would say - winning isn’t as important as having a good time. And I did have a good time - this may be the last week of cool weather Florida will experience before the nuclear heat of Summer, so playing in the shade with a light breeze keeping us cool was an especially lovely experience.
On Thursday, I hoped onto my bike and rode downtown to meet up with a fellow positivity advocate, Sara Schaeffer. We had crepes at my favorite spot, and shared our stories, experiences, and exchanged ideas for how to help our visions come alive.
Afterwards, I bestowed Happiness Ambassador Badges onto a couple of my favorite shop owners and enticed anyone who expressed curiosity in my Happiness Ambassador badge to choose a Happiness Card - cards with best practices to support a happy lifestyle. These are now all part of my Happiness Ambassador kit, along with a couple of copies of my book, that I take with me when I am showing my face around town.
I zipped around on my ebike and hit up my favorite book stores, coffee shops, vintage stores, eateries and more, handing out cards to anyone who seemed interested in this novel idea of a Happiness Ambassador.
For my last act of my downtown Thursday adventure, I made my way to City Hall on the tip of a neighbor. A couple of weeks before, I was biking Thumper around the neighborhood as our compromise to letting him out (he starts fights and then gets an all-expense paid trip to the vet to care for his wounds, so he’s not allowed outside unsupervised). I noticed a house with a St. Petersburg city flag flying, so I stopped when I saw the homeowner outside, told her I admired her flag a lot, and asked where I could get one.
Turns out she works for the city, and told me all I needed to do was go downtown to City Hall and ask for one. They’d give it to me for free.
So while I was downtown on Thursday, I did just that! After some initial confusion by the city workers, they figured it out and BAM, I have my flag. More on this later.
On Friday, I met a prospective 1-on-1 Client at a local nature preserve - Boyd Hill - for a walk-and-talk. We had a great chat, walking and talking for two hours as we learned about one another and what his goals, obstacles, and options were going forward. We both felt energized afterwards.
After that, I swung by my dad’s to grab some lunch together, and then found our way to an ancient bowling alley - Ten Pin Lanes in Pasadena. When I was a kid, we had a brief stint of playing on a league as a family at Ten Pin. I even got my very own bowling ball with my name engraved on it, which was basically the coolest thing in the world for me back then. When we walked into this historical landmark, it smelled approximately just as old as it was. Otherwise, the place was pleasantly kept up, featuring arcade games on one side, and a bar with a pool table on the other. Of course the main event was bowling, but dad and I decided to spend our time there shooting some pool.
He mercilessly crushed me many times, but he really enjoyed it, so I did too. I’m sure we’ll be regulars there before long.
An hour or so before sunset, we decided to drive up and down the beach - neither of us had been out that way since the hurricanes last year did a number on the beach community. The evidence of devastation is still around, but many businesses are still alive and thriving - the last of the spring breakers dotting the landscape. We stopped for ice cream, as you do, before calling it a wrap on the day. It was yet another beautiful day, cool but sunny with a supportive breeze.
Saturday afternoon, mom and I checked out the Uptown Funk Market downtown, where I came across an artist whose work jumped out as me as both beautiful and chaotically optimistic. He pointed out how all his pieces have a story that go with them, and flipped the piece I was looking at over in my hands so I could see the write up. My eyes were immediately drawn to the words, “Tranquil Shores” - an addiction treatment facility my sister both received treatment and later worked at. I told him this, adding…
She’s not with us anymore.
He understood without me having to say more. We chatted a bit, he asked me how long it had been. Recent, he realizes. He tells me he’s clean now, after a couple relapses. He misses Tranquil Shores, so did my sister. He was ‘released’ much in the same way she was - the insurance company decided they received all the help they needed and would not agree to pay for more.
It makes me wish that places like Tranquil Shores were not so uncommon, and they insurance companies were not in charge of our health.
I buy a piece, in part to support this artist, in part in remembrance of my sister, and in part as a reminder that everything works out exactly as it should.
After we check out the Market, mom and I make the short trek one block north to check out a nearby gallery taking part in the Second Saturday ArtWalk. This event allows local artists to show off their creative spaces as well as their wonderful works. It was my first time checking it out - and it turns out artists are very interested in Happiness Ambassadorship. I received many questions about my kit, and lots of folks took me up on my offer of a Happiness Card.
This is where I met one very talented Jenipher Chandley, who happily accepted a Happiness Ambassador badge and gave me a wealth of information to consider when I shared with her my aspirations of having a mural painted over the intersection of the Community Happiness Project. She pulled out her phone and shared where I could find the right people, organizations, and grants to make this dream a reality.
On Sunday, I got started on a mural of my own - painting my front porch in the St. Pete flag colors. Earlier on Saturday, I strode into my local Lowes with my St. Pete city flag in hand, hoping the folks at the paint desk would be able to help me match the colors. When I told Alex what my plans were, he was all in. And he wasn’t the only one - a fellow customer getting a sample for one of her projects proactively found the perfect match for the orange stripe, and wished me luck before continuing on with her day. The other employees wanted to know where I got the flag and excitedly proclaimed they would claim theirs just as soon as they could.
My plan was already working! The plan being… get people more interested in local identity and investments. The world is big, and scary, and a little out of control right now. The right move is to retract from the world a bit - lock arms with the people around you, and find strength in local communities. Embracing the St. Pete flag as a visual symbol for this is part of the plan, and the plan was working!
Alex cheerfully chatted with me while he matched and mixed my pain, requesting to see a picture of the finished product, so we also swapped numbers.
On Sunday, I laid down the clear-coat bonding primer, and this week I’ll be applying these aptly named colors -
Red Bliss
Island Orange
Luscious Green
Pacific Pleasure
I am excited to share with Alex, who was so helpful, supportive, and interested in a Happier community, the finished product.
All of these these amazing connections I have made over this past week would not have happened if I hadn’t embraced the need for action - the need to move my ass. Connections, the people we know, care about, and mutually support, are what make the world go ’round, and an infinite amount of possibilities can spring from them.
In addition to making connections thanks to taking action, Saturday night was the first night since my sister died that I have been able to meditate without restless thoughts and doubts chipping away at my concentration.
Action, does indeed, remove doubt. So my parting advice to you is this, paraphrased from a good friend: when in doubt, move your ass.
Thank you for being with me on this journey.
<3